Dating is not created equally. There is not a universal viewpoint on what the concept should (or does) look like. So many variables contribute to how a person approaches their social life. You could say everyone today is on a dating app or uses online resources, but maybe not.
More middle-aged, and people progressing much further in age find themselves on the dating scene. Some people are rocking their 70s even into their 90s (if you look at a few of the terms coined for these feisty females and males), hitting various senior sites. Perhaps some are on a popular website, and maybe they’re meeting people the old-fashioned way – through friends, family, in social situations.
Even teenagers who are not allowed to use these sites but are permitted to go out find other ways to meet new and interesting people, perhaps at the Saturday night football game.
In other areas of the world, dating can mean being set up by family members with those they deem appropriate for a stable future and family life. But do any of these “in-person scenarios” make the prospect any easier than the online platform, or are we looking at similar situations with merely different forms of introduction?
What genuinely matters is what happens after all the preliminaries are through and the initial date is scheduled. No matter how it comes to pass, any effort to this point will be nullified if that first encounter goes south.
Common Sense Dating Tips to Ensure a Second Encounter
If you’re rusty in the dating world or an introvert, coming back after a recent divorce, or if you’re new to the social scene as a teenager, it might be helpful to reach out to someone who’s currently active and find tips here that can help you. Do not change the premise of who you are but listen to the advice to see what might be essential in your particular situation.
For someone who is coming out of a long marriage, people would advise you to understand the dating atmosphere today is much different from before you were married, and you should anticipate those changes. But I think you maybe should look at it a little bit differently.
You will be searching for someone in your age group most likely. The chances this person is also coming out of a marriage are relatively good, meaning they too will be following an original concept as far as dating guidelines.
It is okay to learn the modern style but retain the old-school methods because they might prove beneficial. Find out how to start over in midlife with a few specific tips for this age group at https://extension.okstate.edu/fact-sheets/dating-again-tips-for-starting-over-in-midlife.html. Let us look at some dos and don’ts in the modern age.
Show up as scheduled.
Do not be late, not even a minute. When you delay arriving for the scheduled meeting, your mate ponders whether they are being stood up. Each of you should arrive a few minutes early to ensure no issues with traffic or problems getting there on time.
Often, when meeting in a public place, people can begin to feel self-conscious if left alone there with the feeling that other people are watching them. No one wants to endure that, plus there is the fact that nerves are on edge waiting to meet the other person.
Refrain from bragging.
General conversation is what you want to aim for on the first date. No one wants to listen to someone drone on about varied accomplishments, a high potential, or how fabulous a person they are on the first meeting (or ever really.) It is a time for each person to listen and enjoy an engaging experience together.
If you enjoy the time together, there will be other dates to get to know each other, but none of those should be spent boasting. When asked, it’s okay to share but in a modest, humble capacity, not overbearing and off-putting.
Leave your phone on silent.
If you have to take your phone with you for business purposes, let your date know this but keep it on silent and have specific moments when you’ll go to check for work-related messages. Otherwise, keep your phone tucked away, ignoring it in favor of paying attention to the person with whom you are spending time.
Not doing so is disrespectful and can lead to a quick end to the evening with no more scheduled for the future. If you are that attached to your electronics, you should not need to go out with another individual. You should be satisfied interacting with people on messenger.
Learn active listening.
Active listening is something we all need to try to learn since it can be challenging to accomplish. In doing so, you need to make yourself present at the moment and hear what the other person is relaying to you with your mind, eyes, ears, and body language.
That means you speak less and wait a moment before responding to process what has been said so what you say is adequate and insightful. Your mate will feel as though you have a genuine interest in their dialogue, leading to a more in-depth conversation with each of you, letting down your guard a bit more as the evening passes.
Before the date, check with each other to determine what the evening will involve, so you know how to dress. If you are unsure, always dress up and not shabby for a first impression. You will never get that opportunity to give this person a first impression again, so make it count.
It is okay if you overdress; your partner will appreciate that you took time and energy to get ready for them. Plus, if they did not do as much, they will make sure to look at the part if there is another opportunity to see you.
There is no room for pretense.
No one wants someone who is pretending to be something they are not. Generally, everyone indeed tries to be on their best behavior with no flaws showing through on the first date, but it’s essential to be authentic. Everyone knows no one is perfect, and they do not expect you to be.
In reality, most dates hope that the other person will display a quirk or fault here and there, so there’s no need to put on airs. Imperfections help to make the interaction comfortable and genuine.
Eye contact is essential.
While you do not want to stare the other person down intensely, it is crucial to maintain a level of eye contact, so you do not appear as though you are being dishonest. Looking into someone’s eyes is also a way to establish a connection if you can keep their focus.
Especially on the first date, it is wise to avoid speaking about past relationships unless the other person asks a direct question on the subject. Then it is respectful to keep it brief with no drawn-out stories.
It is not their intention to hear the details of the relationship when they ask the question. They are hoping for a simple answer to a straightforward question, and that should be your approach. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself losing out on the opportunity for a second date.
Each should offer to pay their share of the bill.
Regardless of where you go or what you do, each person should offer to pay their share of the bill. There should be no anticipation that one or the other will be responsible for the total amount.
If one person insists on paying, the other can graciously receive that kindness, but upfront, each needs to be readily prepared to pay their own way.
Do not lie.
Lies will come back to you, ultimately destroying trust off the bat and ending what might have been a nice pairing. It is essential to be honest regardless of what that might look or feel like.
No one is there to judge or should not be. Even a little white lie is enough to thwart trust as it sends signals to a new dating partner; if you will lie about something so trivial, what else will you lie about.
Focus on the moment.
Even if you have a good connection, stay in the moment; do not jump ahead concerning plans you have well into the future based on what might possibly happen.
It could be off-putting to your date, making them reconsider the connection. Allow the interaction to be spontaneous and carefree, looking forward to the next time (if there is to be one), and go on from that point, one date at a time.
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Ensure you focus on getting to know as much about each other before getting into a car together and going out as possible. That is entirely a safety and security issue applying to every age and every gender. There is no such thing as being too safe. Go here for safety tips when using dating apps.
These are straightforward tips that truly have no era where they would have been most appropriate. People will have implemented rules of this sort decades ago and are hopefully still doing so in the modern age of dating if we are still instilling respect into the equation.